Transitions in life are inevitable … I mean, that is if we intend to ever get anywhere, right?! And I don’t know about you, but my intention is to KEEP MOVING FORWARD, so that I can get to anywhere and EVERYWHERE my little heart desires. That being said, I’ve got a little story to share …
A couple of Thursdays ago, I got home from a walk with my friend and felt a headache coming on. I thought to myself that I likely needed some food (I hadn’t eaten yet that day), so I pulled out my trusty frying pan, unrefined/organic coconut oil and two eggs, and got cracking!
I managed to make my breakfast and eat it, but my head was still bitchy and I was starting to feel nauseous. Now, as most know, I am an exceptionally well-hydrated individual, but it was VERY hot and humid that day, so I chugged a little extra water before I decided that a cool shower would surely do the trick.
Not so much.
My head hated me and my body was now screaming at me, “Go lay down!”
So I listened.
After my shower, I crawled into bed, where I remained for the next FOUR DAYS! (Nope, not exaggerating.)
I was literally unable to get out of bed without nearly, if not actually, passing out until Sunday, and even by then I was nowhere near 100%.
I was achy, dizzy, nauseous, disoriented, extremely fatigued, and suffering bouts of fever, cold sweats and then just being straight-up freezing cold in 90 degree heat (no a/c in my house).
I was also overly emotional (I kept crying for no apparent reason), and it felt like something was sitting on my chest with occasional jabbing pains in my solar plexus and heart.
I was sick, but I wasn’t “sick” sick, ya know? The closest thing I can relate it to was when I got the flu last year, but there was no throwing up, or sore throat/congestion, or any of those “sick” sick symptoms. Not to mention, when I get sick, I can always feel it coming on (I’m very in-tune with my body in that way) and this shit hit like a ton of bricks out of the literally clear blue sky.
So what was it?! Let’s back track a little bit, shall we?
Rewind to Wednesday, the day before I went into a cocoon for approximately four days.
I went to my fave new yoga spot (Live Yoga in Danielson, CT) for my yoga teacher training, per usual. But unusually, the night before I had set an intention. I spoke to the Universe … or God, Buddha, Creator, Source, or Sparkly Pocahontas Wind (you’ll have to visit Live Yoga for the explanation of that one!), or whatever name you prefer to give the higher power we all were birthed from. I asked the Universe to help me breakthrough my blocks.
To help me let go.
To help me embrace the NOW.
To keep me looking and moving forward, instead of in the rear-view mirror.
Before I go on, I should mention that earlier on in my yoga training it became abundantly clear that my heart chakra needed some serious opening up (along with like four of my other chakras, but let’s just focus here for now). And coincidentally, we did a LOT of heart-openers in class that fateful Wednesday (if you’ve been following me for a bit, you’ve by now realized that I don’t actually believe in “coincidence”, but that everything truly does happen on purpose and for our greater good).
Now, stay with me here, because things are about to get a little woo-woo … just a bit airy-fairy, but you’ll be fiiiiine (I promise)!
I asked for a breakthrough and GOOD LORD did I ever get one. I’m convinced that my four-day illness was not a bug, nor an infection of any sort, but in fact a very serious detoxification of my body, mind and spirit.
My heart cracked open, just like my eggs into the pan, and the yolk of my heart came spilling forth into the world.
Go ahead, think I’m crazy.
I think I’m crazy!
But I knew this wasn’t just any ol’ bug I was dealing with. So much so, that by Saturday (when I was finally able to lift my head off of my pillow and look at my phone without the world swimming in circles around me,) I googled: “Can yoga make you sick?” Honestly, I just couldn’t think of a better way to phrase it at the moment, but it did the trick! After floating around the internet for a minute or two, what I found confirmed my hunch (if you’re interested in reading what I found, just click here).
This is very real, guys. This whole mind/body connection thing? Totally legit. And sadly, not a lot of people are aware of it, nor do a lot of people talk about it. As with anything, I’m sure they’re worried about being judged, but fuck that … judge me all you like! Just know, “for in the way you judge, you will be judged”
Oh! Another symptom I neglected to mention …
Upon getting into my car to go for that walk with my friend (the day following my intensive yoga practice), I realized that my back hurt in a place that I have never felt pain before. It was smack dab in the middle of my shoulder blades … directly behind my heart.
Well, we already know how I feel about that, don’t we?
You can think what you want, but I KNOW that I cracked my heart wide open that day in yoga. I KNOW that what I asked for? I received.
It was in holding Pigeon pose on my right side (I have a love/hate relationship with Pigeon, by the way), that a memory of my dad passed through my mind and tears started streaming from my eyes uncontrollably. I was told many years ago, by a very intuitive massage therapist, that I was holding my father’s death in my right ass cheek … I kid you not.
We can hold on to past hurts and store them in a very physical way in our bodies … usually hips and butts most of the time (especially in women). Well, it took just about a good solid twenty years, but I think I’ve finally let some of the hurt and anger wrapped around that experience go (I’ll save that story for another day).
As if that wasn’t enough, my body wasn’t done releasing my emotional baggage just yet.
On came Camel (a great big heart-opening pose).
As my chest spread wide open, my upper back arcing and my heart reaching for the sky, more tears.
This time, a more recent past hurt from just four short years ago whispered across the forefront or my mind. I refer to it as The Wedding That Never Was (and today I can add, “THANK GOD!”). Although I’ve been “over it” for a long time (if I’m being honest, probably within weeks of the whole debacle, once I saw what the truth was), I have to admit that I was still jaded by it up until this breakthrough.
Again, another story for another day, but very long story short, I wanted bad things to happen to my ex-fiancé. I wanted him to be publicly embarrassed the way I was. I wanted someone to leave HIM holding the basket of responsibilities and have to clean up a whole nasty mess of shit. I wanted Karma to rear her ugly head in his direction, and I wanted a front row seat. I haven’t necessarily felt that way for a few years now, but I held onto that story (retelling it over and over again) for far too long.
I mean really gone.
I’m not angry at him anymore. I honestly just don’t care enough to be angry anymore.
And by the way, today, I am in a beautifully fulfilling relationship with hands down the strongest, most supportive and loving man that I have ever been with, and I would have missed out on him if things had gone the way I thought they were “supposed” to go. And after having this breakthrough … this literal cracking open of my heart … this true LETTING GO … I’m available to love everyone in my life so much more fully and openly.
Now, is it any wonder that I was feeling pain in between my shoulder blades, or that I was getting weird stabbing pains in my solar plexus and heart?! Both the solar plexus and heart are body chakras. The solar plexus chakra is our power chakra and represents our ability to be confident and in control (I’m admittedly a control freak, by the way, but something I’m actively working on also), and the heart chakra represents love, warmth, compassion and joy (of course)!
And is it really any wonder that my whole body decided to shut down and force me to just stop and lay down to rest and heal?! No. It isn’t. It actually makes all kinds of sense to me now.
When you are ready to change your life, to change your story, you will know. When you’ve had enough of the rat race, the never ending struggle, the thankless jobs that you do for so many who do so little for you, you will know. When you are truly ready, you will JUST KNOW (trust me on this one). And when that moment comes, you will ask for guidance (because eventually we all do, when it comes to the big stuff), and it will be given to you. Guaranteed.
Your signs may be more subtle than mine were. We all have our own set of signs programmed into our lives. For some, the signs come through words or numbers (this is more typical for me). For others, feelings like chills, or butterflies in your stomach come to tell you that you are moving towards, or perhaps further away, from your good. But if you’re as lucky as I am (and honestly, I’m not even trying to be sarcastic here), one day you might be given a sign so HUGE that not only can you not ignore it, but it’ll drop you on your ass!
If you are ready … ready to embrace the life you KNOW you are meant to live, ready to make a change NOW (because let’s be honest here, we don’t know how much more time any of us really have left), then I am ready to help.
Over the past few months I have received many very similarly themed messages from my tribe, with oh so many fabulous questions: How did I make my decision to change my life, and in such a drastic way? What was the turning point? How did I get there? Wasn’t I scared?
Oh yeah … absolutely I was scared, but I learned to trust in the process. I learned to tap into my inner-guidance system. I have identified my signs and learned to follow them. I have learned to plug into and flow with the Universal energy that surrounds us all. I have learned, learned, learned and then learned some more (mostly from the many mistakes I made along the way), and now I’m ready to share. To teach. To LEAD.
Beginning Monday, September 7th, I will be leading an intimate group of woman who are ready to drop their excuses and say “YES” to the life they are meant to be living. Woman who can feel it deep down inside that they are meant for so much more. Women who want to make the world a better place and know the time is NOW.
The Change Makers.
The Thought Leaders.
The women who believe in, “Go big, or go home!”
And when I say “big” I mean BIG! Because the name of this soiree I’m hosting is The B.I.G. Life (Bold. Infamous. Girl.), and you’re invited to attend. Whether you’re looking to completely restructure your life, or just make a few strategic changes, this is for you. You may be in the process of climbing the corporate ladder, or maybe you’re a femmepreneur (like me!), or a working or stay-at-home mom, or perhaps you’re just starting out and you don’t know WHAT you are right now, but you KNOW you want to make a difference in this little world of ours. Just click right here to check out what I’ve got in store, and decide if you’re a fit for this group of like-minded women who are ready to BE the change they wish to see in the world.