It Wasn’t Me

By Joy Perugini | Real and Raw

Oct 05

JoyZumbaHere’s what I’ve found …

You always, always, ALWAYS must consider the source.

Of your information, for this post’s purposes.

BUT, of all that IS as well ;)

When you hear someone talking about someone or something, realize that it is THEIR story from THEIR perspective, and that in the end? Just a story at that.  And if it’s a story about someone else? Or something someone else supposedly said about you? Consider. the. source.

Ask yourself what the person telling “said story” is gaining from sharing it with you. Because I assure you, they are getting something out of it… there’s always a pay-off.

Misery just loooooves company, so just stop for a second and ask yourself, “Does this seem right?” And then consider how you’re feeling… does it feel right? Your feelings are your internal GPS, always guiding and directing you, so plug-in (to Source), check-in, and consider whether the person this story is about would actually want you to know the information being conveyed (if it’s even true).

And what about the person telling you all of this?

Really just gossiping, if we’re going to call a spade a spade.

Attention seeking.

Sometimes, you just need to catch yourself in the midst of it… the drama, that is… shake it off and literally cut them off (really, shut them up). For your own sake, as well as theirs! And let’s not forget the person they’re slinging shit about!

You’re either going to be the person who does the right thing in this scenario, or you’re not. There’s no other role to play here. You’re either a  part of the solution, or you’re a part of the problem. Period.

So, the next time you find yourself in the position where someone starts the conversation with something along the lines of, “Did you hear about what happened to (insert name of person being slandered here),” or “Oh. My. God. Can you even believe what (insert name of person being slandered here) said about (insert name of another person possibly being slandered here),” just stop the Crazy Train that’s about to derail in front of you and be. the. better. person.

What?! You think “slander” is too strong of a word? I assure you it’s not. It really is that damaging to all involved… if not on a physical level, then most certainly on an energetic one.

If it helps, just keep in mind the nasty Karmic backlash you’re saving yourself from.

Oh, you don’t know that Universal Law?

Ah-yup. It’s the Law of Karma, baby, and I can guarantee you that whatever you say, or take part in saying, about another person (think judgement, ridicule, and any other not-so-nice thing you can come up with), someone else will surely say about you, and that someone else will likely be someone that you care about.

Are we clear?!

The answer should be a resounding, “CRYSTAL!” (Thank you, Tom Cruise in A Few Good Men!)

Now, let me explain to you why I’ve jumped up on this little soapbox today…

As most know, I closed my fitness studio, after nine years of business, a little less than a year and a half ago with no intention of ever looking back. And somewhat surprisingly (in hindsight, I suppose not so surprisingly), when I did, I pissed a few people off. Honestly, most people completely understood why I made the very difficult decision to close my doors, and recognized how emotionally challenging it was for me more than anyone else, but there were some exceptions. Even more surprising, some of those exceptions I considered among my closest friends.

Instead of wanting to see things through to the end with me (I gave all of my clients and staff two months notice, which was honestly far more than necessary), a select few clients, and even one instructor, decided to jump ship early and go on their merry way.

I stayed in integrity. I was hurt, but refrained from becoming part of the drama. I kept my head down and my mouth shut, and did right by everyone I could, including myself.  And yet, there were STILL those few.

Funny, because approximately ten months later, I re-opened. It was entirely unexpected, and actually came about in the most purely MAGICAL way (I’ll share that story on another day), so today, I’m back to getting strong, dancing and flowing in the very same space that I was in before! The big difference is that now, it’s completely in alignment and on my own terms. And those people who exited stage left?

Not around.

Not that they’re not welcome, mind you (ALL that choose to be light, bright and everything right are always welcome through the doors of my studio), but they probably feel kinda uncomfortable about the unpleasantries they spewed on their way out last time around. I have nothing but love and light for all of them, and if they came to me to make things right between us, I’d always welcome them back to the “clubhouse” with open arms.

BUT, ya wanna know something about those guys? Well, from what I can tell, they’re still in their same dark and lonely space of alienating themselves from everyone around them (thankfully NOT me, because I’m now out of the line of fire) by talking trash to one person about another person, and then still a third, fourth, or likely even FIFTH person about those two people, and mistakenly thinking it’s not going to come back around to kick THEM in the ass. It’s hard not to hear things (and people do like to confide in me not only as a friend, but as also as a coach), and it’s perfectly okay to lend an ear to a friend, family member, or client, but don’t become a part of the problem. Instead, help the person reaching out to you to take a step back, look at the situation from a third-party perspective, detach, and then diffuse the situation.

Here’s the thing, if you start talking shit to me about someone else, I’m going to just assume that as soon as you walk away from me, you’ll start talking shit to someone else about me. As a good business owner, and a decent  human being, I can honestly say that I did my VERY BEST to make the transition out of my studio as painless as possible for everyone involved, but in a situation like that, it was impossible to avoid discomfort altogether. I honored each and every dollar that I owed to anyone who may have purchased a pass to my studio before I knew I was closing. I gave ample notice to everyone that I could get in touch with, and I stopped membership sales immediately upon deciding to close. I did everything I could to make everyone as happy as I could. But in the end?

It wasn’t about me.

It wasn’t about me AT ALL.

It was (always is, and always will be) about them.

That’s exactly what I told my friend today while discussing a situation she’s having in her personal life. And that’s why I felt strongly pulled to share this information with you fine folks here. The next time that you feel someone is not treating you well, or you find out the someone has said nasty things about you, or is saying something about someone else TO you, you’re now armed with the knowledge that it’s not about you, or the person you’re hearing rumors about, but it’s ALL about whoever the person is right in front of you slinging the BS.

And, for the sake of all that is good in the world, please DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Go ahead and call them out. And please, please, please, please pleeeeease, I beseech you, please consider the source, and The Source, before adding your energy to the situation. You truly CAN be the change you wish to see in the world.

If you need a little help in getting centered, plugging-in and truly vibrating at an energy level of LOVE or ABOVE, you can click right here. And if you need my assistance at a higher level, just email joy@joyfitnation.com, and I’ll provide you with the details of working with me as your personal coach.

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About the Author

Joy Perugini is an Writer, Speaker, Runner, Dancer, Yogini and Health & Happiness Coach, but above all else, she is an Entrepreneur. She finds her passion in helping others live their DREAM LIVES in their DREAM BODIES. Her twenty-four years of diverse experience in the health and fitness industry include establishments throughout the continental United States and Hawaii. Her Bachelor of Science degree in Health Science with a concentration in Exercise Science and Sports Medicine, provides a strong knowledge-base to her work. Joy started as a student athletic trainer at Eastern College in Pennsylvania and interned at a physical therapy center treating sports related injuries. During a two-year residency on Maui, Hawaii, Joy served as the Lead Fitness Trainer at the Grand Wailea Resort and Spa, rated the #1 Resort Spa in the World by Conde Nast Magazine. Joy’s tenure there increased her knowledge of the spa industry and importance of customer care. Joy was born and raised in West Hartford, CT and returned there as an in-home personal trainer, helping many clients achieve their wellness goals. She later managed a health and fitness center for a major international corporation based in Hartford, CT. Feeding her entrepreneurial spirit, Joy opened a boutique group exercise and personal training studio located in Plainville, CT, in June 2006. The studio offered customized training to individuals of all fitness levels and abilities, and housed a distinctively friendly atmosphere in an industry known to intimidate many. While still running the day to day activities at the studio, in 2014 Joy decided to expand her reach and spread her love of life, fitness, health and wellness far and wide by forming her web-based company, JoyFit Nation, LLC. Today, Joy spreads insight, motivation and inspiration by sharing her message online and in person via her signature programs, retreats, workshops and private mentoring, looking to provide "fitspiration for a happy nation" and quite possibly the world.

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